Recognize When They Are Pushing Your Buttons...
When your child/student is standing there in front of you with their face full of attitude and nonsense coming out of their mouth it can be so hard to keep it together...When we match their intensity with our own frustrations, anger and yelling (and throwing things) it only serves to add fuel to the flames of their inner angst... And we become an unwilling role model, reinforcing the same behavior and actions we’re trying to move them away from...
Keep It Calm...
When possible, even though it may require enormous restraint on our parts, the better approach is to keep our voices at normal volume and tone... Set the rules of engagement for them... Explain that you’ll be happy to listen or talk with them about the issue if they can do so in a more reasonable way...They want to be in charge and they are hoping to bait you into meeting them on their turf, where they’ve got the advantage. Refusing to match their level of intensity allows you to take back control and may in itself be enough to disarm the situation...
If they still can’t pull it together...
Give them some space and time to cool down... Revisit the issue later when everything isn’t so emotionally charged... But be sure they know you’re not blowing them off or letting them off the hook... You might even set a specific time, like after dinner or the upcoming weekend or break times... Either way, you’ve taken a power struggle and turned into something less volatile and more productive...
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