Use encouragement, not praise

Use encouragement, not praise... 

Well-meaning parents/teachers often hand out the praise “good job” for every single thing a child does, whether it’s putting on his shirt by himself or sharing something with a friend... Apart from being somewhat hollow, this kind of praises ends a hidden message to children... It tells them that we don’t expect much of them, that we’re impressed when they perform basic acts of kindness or show simple competence... 

By saying “I love your picture!” or “I’m so proud of you!” sends the message that they should be performing to please us... As children grow, they begin to wonder if they’re letting us down when they don’t get a “good job!” They begin to need our praise to feel good about their accomplishments... 

But even if we abandon this common phrase, we can still offer positive reinforcement...

We can encourage children by noticing their effort... For example,  “Thank you for putting your toys away...You worked hard to clean up that big mess.”...Or  say to a child in classroom, “You read that whole book. I can tell you’ve really been practicing.”... 

Encouraging a child’s effort lets them know we see and appreciate what they’re doing, but it keeps the emphasis on their own process, rather than on producing something to please us...